


The Many Proposals of Dean Winchester

by Andromytta, nealinor



Series: Love Bears All Things [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, M/M, Marriage Proposal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-23
Updated: 2017-05-23
Packaged: 2018-11-04 03:09:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10982100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andromytta/pseuds/Andromytta, https://archiveofourown.org/users/nealinor/pseuds/nealinor
Summary: The first time Dean proposed to Castiel, it had been a joke.  It was January, the first day of Cas’s second semester teaching at the University.  They had just gotten their relationship on the right track a couple of months ago, so clearly Dean was joking, right?  Until he realized he wasn’t.  Joking or not, Castiel’s reaction was not the one Dean had been going for.





	The Many Proposals of Dean Winchester

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning in end notes.

The first time Dean proposed to Castiel, it had been a joke.  It was January, the first day of Cas’s second semester teaching at the University.  They had just gotten their relationship on the right track a couple of months ago, so clearly Dean was joking, right?  Until he realized he wasn’t.  Joking or not, Castiel’s reaction was not the one Dean had been going for.

Castiel still had a standing lunch date with his niece.  This time, however, Dean had insisted that Claire have lunch with Kevin, and he joined Cas for lunch.  Dean knew the first day of classes could be hard on Cas, so he wanted to cheer him up.

Dean let himself into Cas’s office without bothering to knock.  After Dean had picked the lock multiple times (not to leave random gifts for Cas, he’s not a sappy romantic. YOU’RE a sappy romantic) Cas finally gave up and gave Dean a key.  What Dean saw gave him pause.  Cas had his head in his hands and was tugging at his perpetually disheveled hair.  “Babe, what’s wrong?” Dean asked gently as he dropped into the chair on the other side of Cas’s desk.

Cas looked up finally, unshed tears glittering in his endless blue eye.  “My students are little assholes is what’s wrong.”

“Do you want to tell me why they’re little assholes this time?” Dean asked, trying hard to fight back a chuckle.  For some reason, Cas calling his students “assholes” made Dean want to laugh.

“Well, it’s not all of them.  Just one little jerk who said he didn’t think he should have to learn about religion from ‘a homo engaging in premarital sex’…”  Cas trailed off and dropped his head onto his desk.  “As if a former priest with a Master’s in Comparative Religions isn’t good enough for them!” he muttered from his desk.

“Aw, babe,” Dean said soothingly.  He reached over and started stroking Castiel’s hair.  “Would it help if we DID get married?”  Dean totally meant it as a joke, trying to lighten the mood.  It didn’t work.

Cas’s head shot up, practically yanking his hair out of Dean’s fingers.  “I can’t marry a man, Dean.”  He said it matter-of-factly, but his mouth bore the tiniest of scowls.

It was that moment that Dean realized he _wasn’t_ joking.  Cas’s response cut him to the core.  He didn’t share that, of course.  “Come on, man, I was only joking.  We _just_ got back on track a couple of months ago.”

“Oh, of course, Dean.  I’m sorry.” Cas graced Dean with the tiniest of smiles.  “Shall we go get lunch now, or would you rather stay here and eat?”  Cas was trying desperately to reset the mood of the room, which changed in a palpable way, but he couldn’t figure out why or how.

“Let’s get out of here,” Dean replied, trying very hard to hide the disappointment he had no right feeling.

***

A couple of months later, Castiel had asked Dean to go to therapy with him.  He had a breakthrough in his last session, and he felt it was very important that Dean be there when he discussed it.  Cas said that what he was going to share would not only explain why he had issues with intimacy, but that it could affect the future of their relationship.  Dean wanted to be supportive, even though he was at least a small bit frightened for what Cas would reveal.

Cas sat on the couch in Dr. Mosley’s office clutching Dean’s hand in a death grip.

“Castiel, are you sure you want Dean to be in here for this?” the doctor asked in her soothing, but take no shit voice.

“I-I’m not sure I can do this without him.  Besides, he deserves to know, too,” Cas responded softly, staring down at the hand that was clenched with Dean’s.

“Very well, Castiel,” Dr. Mosley agreed.  “Last session you started to tell me about something that happened when you were young that caused your mother to send you to a conversion camp.”  She did not hide the disdain in her voice at the idea of the conversion camp.

Dean spoke up for the first time since they had sat down in the therapist’s office.  “I’m sorry, what’s a conversion camp?”

“A place where they claim to ‘pray away the gay.’” Dr. Mosley answered, not even bothering to keep from rolling her eyes.

“Oh,” Dean said softly.  He squeezed Cas’s hand reassuringly and reached over with his free hand to gently pat his knee.  “It’s OK, Cas, you can tell us what happened.”

Cas released Dean’s hand long enough to push his hands through his hair as he took a deep breath.  Dean took the opportunity to shake the circulation back into his fingers.  After, Dean took Cas’s hand in both of his and gave him an encouraging nod to speak.

Taking another deep breath, Cas finally started to speak.  “When I was eleven or twelve years old, this family moved in next door to us.  They had twins around mine and Anna’s age.  Balthazar and Rachel.  We all became friends pretty easily; there weren’t many other kids our age in the neighborhood.  I thought Balthazar was the coolest boy I’d ever met.  He had a skateboard and a scooter, both things my mother wouldn’t allow us to have.”  Castiel ran his free hand through his already mussed hair again, trying to steady his breathing when he realized his words were coming out in a rush.

“One evening when I got home after spending time with Balthazar, I told mother that I was going to marry him.  She tried to correct me; she thought I was talking about Rachel.  I should have let her think that, but I insisted it was Balthazar that I wanted to marry.  That night, she woke me up, threw all of my clothes into a suitcase, and dropped me off at the camp.  She told me I was sick and that this place would cure me of my ‘homosexual disease’ through the grace and love of God.”

“The camp was like any other summer camp, I would imagine.  There were cabins with bunks, a lake, and councilors.  Only, I don’t think any other camps had councilors like these.  They’d lead us in prayer circles one minute and….and hurt us the next…if they didn’t think the prayers and whatever pills they were giving us was helping….We were just kids, these were adults telling us that what we were feeling, who we were was wrong.  How were we supposed to know any better?” 

At some point as Castiel told his story, he had pulled his hand away from Dean’s and had started sliding further and further down the couch until he was pressing into the corner, so that by the time he was telling the last part of his story, his face was practically buried in the corner.  “There was one councilor who…he…chose a few of us that he ‘liked’ and he….forced himself on us.  Claiming if we wanted to be with other guys we should know what it would be like…..”  Castiel had stopped talking; he was shaking and crying, trying to curl himself into the corner of the couch.

Dean and Missouri looked at each other before they both moved.  Missouri went to pull a book from her bookshelf while Dean grabbed the book he insisted Castiel keep in his satchel.  Since he knew what he was looking for and what to do, he was immediately back at Cas’s side, sitting as closely to the other man as he could without touching him.  In his most soothing voice, Dean started to read from the book of Sonnets that he always used whenever he had to sooth Castiel’s fragile nerves.

He was a few sonnets in when Cas finally turned away from the corner of the couch and looked at him.  Cas’s eyes were still glassy and distant, but he was looking at Dean like Dean was the most beautiful vision he had ever seen.  When Cas looked at him, Dean stopped reading long enough to check if it would be OK to touch him.  Cas gave him the tiniest nod of assent before Dean dropped his hand gently onto Cas’s shoulder and started rubbing his back as he continued to read.

Eventually, Castiel slid his way into Dean’s space and leaned his entire body against the other man, clutching his shirt like it was a lifeline.  He looked up at Dean, and just said, “I’m so sorry.”

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas and shushed him.  He held him close.  “You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”  He kissed the top of his boyfriend’s head as tears glistened in his own eyes, not that he’d admit to that.

Dean had managed to get Castiel calmed down enough for them to leave before Missouri’s next appointment.  While they were driving home, Cas turned to him and said in that matter-of-fact way of his, “Why do you put up with me, Dean?  I’m a mess.  Damaged goods and I’m probably going to end up hurting you again.”

“Because I love you, you idiot.  I’m glad to understand you better, too.  I guess it explains why you’ve never shown any interest in bottoming.”  Dean regretted the inappropriate joke as soon as it was out of his mouth.

Cas leaned his head against the passenger side window and groaned.  “De-an….”  He knew the other man was joking, but really?

“I’m sorry Cas.  It was a joke.  I mean, I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about it…but I’m happy with the way things are.”  Dean rushed to explain himself, not wanting to set Cas off again, and found himself with a serious case of verbal diarrhea.  “I’m perfectly happy with the way things are now.  So happy that I’d like to make our arrangement permanent.  I want to marry you, Cas.”  It’s a good thing they were at a stop light just then, or the Impala would have veered off of the road when Dean hit his head against the steering wheel.  He was already aware of how Cas felt about marriage, and couldn’t believe he brought up again, and at the worst possible time ever.  When the light changed and Dean had to move, he pulled into the nearest parking lot and braced himself for the inevitable rejection.

“Dean, we’ve had this conversation.  I-I just can’t be married to a man…..” He trailed off, knowing it was no use quoting Leviticus to Dean.  He didn’t understand, and he never would.  If Castiel was truly honest with himself, he didn’t _want_ Dean to understand.  He needed Dean’s unwavering belief that there was nothing at all wrong with their relationship.  As long as Dean believed that, Cas almost could too.

“I know that, Cas,” Dean said softly.  “I’m sorry I brought it up.”

That was the second time Dean unwittingly proposed to Cas.

***

The third time it was less of an accident, but Dean hadn’t exactly thought it through, either.  They were at Dean’s place, snuggled on the sofa watching one of those chick flicks Dean claimed to hate (he really didn’t).  The movie ended with a spectacularly romantic and epic wedding scene.  When Dean turned to ask Cas what he thought of the movie, there were tears in his eyes.  Clearly he had been touched by the beautiful love story.  Dean smiled softly and said, “That could be us someday, Cas.”  His voice was barely above a whisper, and he wasn’t sure if Cas even heard him. 

Until he saw the look on Cas’s face change in the blink of an eye from contentment to panic.  Castiel was about to voice his arguments against marriage yet again, when Dean stopped him.

“Yeah, yeah, I know Cas.  Despite everything we’ve been through, you’re still holding onto the archaic notion that we can’t get married because of some dusty old tome that you’ve been taught is the fabric of existence.  When even you know that the Pope, the leader of your religion, doesn’t even stand by that belief anymore.”  Dean was working up a full head of steam now.  He was tired of being rejected, and he wanted, no needed more from this relationship.  He wouldn’t admit it to anyone, but the one thing Dean craved more than anything was the happily ever after chick flick moment.  And he wanted it with Cas.  “What are we even doing if this relationship isn’t going anywhere?  I need to know, Cas, I need to know where we’re going, what we’re doing.”

“You just have to give me more time, Dean,” Cas begged quietly.  Surely more time wasn’t too much to ask.  After all, they had only really been back together six months at this point.  Nobody knew if they wanted to marry someone after only six months, right?  Anna had been with Inais for nearly a year before they decided to get married.  Except that Dean knew.  Had known for months.  And that probably scared Castiel more than even the thought of breaking the biblical rules he had grown up with.

“Yeah, fine, whatever Cas.” Dean said miserably.  “I’m going to bed.”

“Want me to come with you?” Cas asked hopefully.

“No.  It’s probably best if you just go home.” Dean said.

“Oh,” Cas answered.

As he lay alone in bed that night, Castiel decided he needed guidance.  Not the kind of guidance Dr. Mosley gave him, but the spiritual kind.  He determined that he would talk to Father Christopher after Mass that Sunday.

***

A few weeks later, when Dean started to notice Castiel was getting out of Mass later than usual, he was happy to explain that he had been meeting with Father Christopher every week after Mass, seeking spiritual guidance after Dean had inadvertently leveled his relationship ultimatum.  Dean wasn’t thrilled that he had made Cas feel like he was given an ultimatum, but he was pleased that Cas was making an effort to meet Dean’s needs in the relationship.  It was starting to get a bit exhausting feeling like the only one having to work for this.  Now that it looked like Castiel was trying to get on board with the whole marriage thing, Dean started to concoct a plan.

***

Late August, about a week before the start of the new school year, and exactly one year to the day when Dean had first met Castiel on the lawn between the Library and the Religion building.  Dean couldn’t let the day go unmarked, so he planned an epic date for them.  Dean took Cas to the waterfront Italian restaurant where they had their first date.  It wasn’t Friday, so Cas could order something different from the menu.

He didn’t, and neither did Dean.  It seemed like both of them wanted to relive the magic of that first date.  They were each even wearing the same outfits they had worn that night.  Just like before, after they ate, they took a walk along the waterfront, stopping to watch the sailboats as the sun sank into the water.

They kissed as they had before, only completely different, with the confidence and familiarity of a long term couple.  When they broke the kiss, the sun was painting the sky in red, purple, and orange.  A sailboat sailed lazily by, Cas watching it with the same excitement he did that first time.  Dean used the distraction as an opportunity to pull something from his pocket and drop to one knee.  When Cas turned to look at him again, his jaw dropped.  “Dean, what are you…?”  He never finished his question.

Dean looked up at Cas, his green eyes shining behind his glasses.  He took the other man’s hand and looked into his eyes.  “Cas, I love you.  I think maybe I have from the first day that we met, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.  We don’t have to get married next month, or next year, or even the year after that.  All I’m asking, Castiel Novak, is if you will do me the honor of promising to marry me someday in the future.  Will you do that, Cas?  Will you marry me?”  He opened the box to reveal a simple gold band with the tiniest diamond imbedded in the center.

Castiel stood there, silent, for several minutes with his mouth just hanging open in shock.  He was silent for so long, in fact, that Dean was sure he was going to be rejected again.  And he knew, if it happened again, that would be it for him.  He couldn’t handle another rejected proposal from this man he was willing to give everything to.

Finally, Castiel managed to close his mouth.  He gripped Dean’s hand that was still holding his and pulled the other man to his feet.  He whispered “Yes” into Dean’s ear before kissing him passionately.  The kiss only broke when they needed to come up for air, and when they did, Cas said it again.  “Yes, Dean.  Yes, I promise, one day in the future, we will be wed.”

Dean smiled as he slid the ring onto Cas’s finger.  It fit perfectly.  Dean didn’t want to admit that he had asked Claire, then Anna, then Gabriel before he finally figured out Cas’s proper ring size.

They went back to Dean’s place after that, and most likely scared the neighbors with the passionate sounds emanating from within.

They were married just over a year later.

**Author's Note:**

> Castiel discusses his time in the conversion camp, including mention of underage non consent.


End file.
